Saturday, June 27, 2009

It's a couple years old now....

but I wrote this for a UT Libertarian magazine in 2007. It was in the wake of Molly Ivins' death and was meant to capture her spirit but it addresses the theme of this blog:

He actually said it.

During January’s State of the Union address, the current president of the United States [George H.W. Bush] actually admitted that the doomsayers, dirty stinking hippies and celebrity pundits may just be right about this whole crazy global warming thing. After years of denying statistics, the administration is finally opening its eyes to the signs of climate change.

The [then] president stated goals that included cutting oil consumption by a fifth by 2017, which would reduce our independence on foreign oil by a projected 75%. The math seems a little wonky to me, but I ain’t no economist, so I’ll take it at face value.

Ignoring ambiguity, the proclamation does make sense. After all, most major oil companies have begun extensive research into alternative energy, so as the titular head of both the country and the oil community, the [then] current president of the United States was sure to follow.

Such was not always the case, however. In a [not so] recent report to the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, it was alleged that pressure had been placed on scientists to avoid apparently loaded phrases like “global warming” and “climate change” when reporting findings.

Democratic Party Chairman, Howard “Scrappy” Dean, went so far as to accuse the current administration of “bullying scientists” on CNN’s “Situation Room”.

So, until [not so] recently, the administration wanted, sometimes forced, scientists to lie to Americans and the world. Over 150 countries have signed the Kyoto Protocol, a United Nations sponsored agreement designed to reduce fossil fuel emissions to their pre-1990 levels. The US signed the accord, but did not ratify it.

The worst part of it is, the decision to fly in the face of facts had nothing to do with public safety - it wasn’t a safeguard against mass hysteria. They just wanted America to keep consuming.

This isn’t the first time a scientist’s findings have been suppressed by the arrogant and power-mad to protect their power. Nicolaus Copernicus was branded a heretic in the 16th century for making the blasphemous assertion that the Earth was not the center of the known universe.

Such hubris was not unheard of; he wasn’t the first person to make this claim. Normally one who did so would be punished forthwith and severely, but Copernicus came from a good enough family that he was somewhat protected and even enjoyed readership by Catholic luminaries until it caused dissension.

He died, disgraced among students and friends before seeing the final edition of his works published.

Even though the Church recognized the validity of Copernicus’s claims, to make them public would mean admitting it was wrong. How, after hundreds of years, could the Pontiff approach the flock and say, “Well, actually, we were wrong about being the center of the universe, but everything else we say is right on”?

However, the Church knew that sooner or later someone with one of those new-fangled telescopes would wise up, so it changed its tune.

Fortunately, the only real crisis the Church was facing then was one of pride.

Unfortunately, the crisis we are facing now is more material than that.

In March 2002, a chunk of ice the size of Rhode Island broke off the Thwaite Glacier in Antarctica and melted into the sea. Since there were no reports of mass amounts of whiskey introduced to the aquatic segment of the ecosphere, I would assume heat was the cause. Yet nothing was done to minimize consumption.

Granted, Antarctica is far from a vacation spot and barely qualifies for extended research visits, so one may be tempted to ask, “Who cares?”

Well, probable penguin protesters aside, what about Greenland? Earth’s northernmost independent landmass worth mention is shedding its icy shield like gran’ma and her panties under the spell of Wayne Newton. That must be heat, ‘cuz there ain’t no Caesar’s in Greenland.

Not yet.

I don’t think.

Although I hold the secret hypothesis that an ice castle in Greenland belonging to a major player in the current administration melted and ruined all her fun [that would be Condee], the fact of the matter is that oil reserves are dwindling. That, I’m sure, was the big wake up call for the current executive branch.

Just as the Catholic church was forced to change its dogma in the face of advancing scientific knowledge in order to save its mug from blistering in the shifting winds of public opinion and an increasingly hostile Mother Nature, this [then] administration had no choice but to call for a decrease in fossil fuel consumption.

It may a case of too little, too late, however. Even if all the accords of the Kyoto Protocol are met and Americans begin walking to the corner store today, scientists estimate that sea levels will rise 7-23 inches by the end of this century.

Well, it’s about time you woke up, sleepyheads. Sorry, the coffee is cold and stale. Me, I’m going out to buy some beachfront property just south of College Station.

[Unfortunately, nothing was ever really done by said administration and this one seems flummoxed by political wrangling.]



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